The thought of being in you sends shivers through my body. The sight of you makes my knees weak. To touch you sends my mind reeling. I long to hold you in my strong, brawny arms, loving you the only way I know how...toplessly. Very toplessly.
Portland! I must have you! Everything about you turns me on! Your scruffy hipsters who make-out with me with reckless abandon simply because I ask so nicely, your moist weather that volumizes my hair so awesomely, your meatloaf! It charms me, it tickles my junk. And I like having my junk tickled, don't ever doubt that.
Sweet Portland, you dance through my dreams with your sugar-dipped public transportation. Your bike lanes all lead straight to my heart.
I'm not calling you a pussy, though, Portland. I know how tough you can be. I like that too. When you pull me close to you and whisper into my ear that I'm a filthy whore for throwing my cigarette butt into the street instead of dipping it into a puddle and using the trashcan, it gets me so hot that my eyes lose focus. I like it when you pull my hair and make me beg for sustainable energy resources. I want you to slap me in the face just for looking you in the eyes, is what I'm saying. And believe me, Portland, I know you could do it.
Portland, I need you tomorrow night. We rendezvous at 8pm. Meet me at Harvey's Comedy Club (www.harveyscomedyclub.com), so that we can consumate this love, so that we may join together our giggles, our grinds...Portland, I want to feel your laughter dripping down my thighs.
In summation: Lucky's DeLuxe Giggle-n-Grind. Tuesday, March 22, 8pm. Harvey's Comedy Club (NW 6th & Glisan). The Greatest Hits In Tits And Bits. $10 at the door.
Performers: Lucky DeLuxe (www.getluckydeluxe.com), Kristine Levine, Richie Stratton, Miss Frankie Tease, Burk Biggler, Whitney Streed, The breakdancing comedy of Den-Den Willy-D, The Marvelous Magic of Mr & Mrs Wonderful, Lucky Lucy O'Rebel, the sweet-ass music of Autry (youtube: autrysmusic).
Xoxo,
Lucky
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